New fringe & cute hat. #selfie #hair (at Starbucks)
"Honey, don’t you just love our new neighborhood?"
- Book one: a life-affirming story about pretentious teens with superiority complexes who have experiences and give nauseatingly quotable musings on philosophy and what it means to be alive, which often involves their enjoyment of books and tea and their condescending view of the popular kids as sheep
- Book two: the same exact story, except this time it's being narrated by the teacher who has to deal with these asshole kids on a daily basis but is legally barred from saying "are you fucking kidding me" when they say some pretentious bullshit about how they prefer the smell of old books to the taste of alcohol. The teacher is re-telling the story to her friend at the bar, and her friend refuses to accept that these children could POSSIBLY be as pretentious as she makes them sound
- Europeans: I drove forty minutes to the Netherlands for some groceries and then I popped into Germany to see some of my relatives before driving back home.
- Americans: I was in Florida, I drove for nine hours, now I'm still in Florida.
- #australians: i drove for nine hours #now i'm nine hours away from home #no one is here #the streets are empty #how did this happen #where has civilisation gone #i am alone in the universe #oh wait no there's an echidna it's okay
- Canadians: We left Toronto 2 days ago, We are still in Ontario, food is scarce. We are lost, soon we will have to eat each other to survive, oh wait there's a tims we're good.
- Russians: I was in Yakutia, I drove for twenty eight hours, now I'm still in Yakutia, I travelled by train for 6 days, I'm still in Russia. Don't even try to leave Russia. Don't forget: you're here forever. Accept it and suffer.
They walk amongst us
They’re out there, walking amongst us. Breathing our air. They look like us; talk like us. They may be your friend, your lover. Your family. They smile as you smile and drink coffee and eat bagels, as you may well do. They go to your gym or your school, you may work with them. You may have accidentally married one of them. But do not be fooled. They are not like us. But they are not like you, they are not like me.
They are people who don’t like David Bowie.
Criticizing a hashtag is literally rape.
Didn’t you know?
It doesn’t matter what the issue is. It doesn’t even matter if there’s an issue at all.
I hereby nominate as rule 48 of the internet:
"No matter what it is, someone will try to tie it to ‘rape culture’"
- person: i’m bisexual
- media: you’re coming out as gay
- person: no, i’m bisexual
- media: HEY LOOK THIS PERSON IS GAY
- person: no you see, i’m actually not gay, i’m bisexual
- media: IT TAKES SO MUCH COURAGE TO COME OUT AS GAY, THIS PERSON IS COMING OUT AS GAY, EVERYONE LOOK, IT’S A GAY PERSON
- person: seriously though, i specifically said bisexu —
- media: GGGGGAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY